Unless what I have described above sounds foreign. Unless you’re not able to stay connected to this infinite source of love, unless the connection isn’t stable, isn’t secure, and fluctuates depending on how you feel about yourself that day, or whether your work performance was good, or whether your body looks the way you want it to look, whether your girlfriend replied to you, or whether the kids behaved.

If the love you experience towards yourself is conditional, it will be tough to offer unconditional love to another being. When the well is empty, we have no water to share. So, for the sake of everything pure and holy, stop worrying about loving your kids, and whether you’re a good enough mom, and start practicing unconditional self-love.

Unconditional self-love does not mean unconditional acceptance of all behavior. It does not mean that one does not grow, stagnate, regress, or become self-indulgent.

Quite the opposite.

It means that you gently (the emphasis on gently!) guide yourself towards what’s best for your soul and your being. You don’t shy away from difficult conversations. You hold yourself accountable for the changes you know you need to make. You pursue authentic goals out of self-love, not for validation. You prioritize what’s best for you—not just momentary desires or societal expectations. It means you don’t motivate yourself through shame, guilt, or fear and that you take care of your core needs, physical; emotional, psychological, and spiritual. You invest time and effort into yourself, not because you are selfish.

Because you love your kids so much, you’re willing to do something even harder than self-sacrifice—you break free from old expectations and choose to love yourself, just as much as you love them.

Our kids don’t need perfection—they need us to love ourselves with kindness and compassion. When we nurture ourselves, that love overflows to them. You can’t pour from an empty cup; the substance that fills it is love.

To be loving and present. Those are the only two requirements for a good parent. Show your kids what that looks like—not by escaping from yourself, but by embracing life fully.

Show them what it means to feel loved and truly alive.

Let them see you handle tough emotions, manage big feelings, and heal openly.

Apologize.

Keep doing things that excite you. Show them how to prioritize and how to make painful, but necessary, changes. Show them how to cultivate a life you love. Kids learn by watching. You can tell them a thousand times that smoking is bad for them, but if you’re a smoker, your kid will have an 80% chance of becoming a smoker in their lifetime.

Love yourself and show them how to do the same. Don’t just tell them to love themselves, believe in themselves, forgive themselves. Don’t just tell them to
leave toxic people, work towards their dreams, and not be afraid of change. Show them how this is done.

We’re lucky to have our kids as a powerful reason to love ourselves. Not despite them, but for them. Show them what true happiness looks like—start by loving yourself.