Beyond Flowers: What Women Really Need on International Women’s Day
Published
March 8, 2025
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Beyond Flowers: What Women Really Need on International Women’s Day
In my home country of Ukraine, March 8th is a major holiday. It is International Women’s Day. Bigger, perhaps, than Valentine’s Day in the US. Women of all ages, partnered and single, with kids and without, regardless of their status and circumstances, are showered with flowers and gifts. They are reminded of their inner and outer beauty, their intrinsic worth, and are celebrated and loved.
International Women’s Day is a wonderful day to bring flowers or perfume to your mom, partner, daughter, or teacher.
But It Is Just as Good a Day as Any to Wake Up
To wake up to the persistent reality that in 2023 in the United States women were still earning 82 cents for every dollar earned by men (with this disparity being wider for women of color).
To wake up to the reality that women spend almost twice as much time on household chores and kid duties than men, regardless of employment status.
To wake up to the reality that 1 in 4 women will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
To wake up to the reality that women make up only 27% of the House and 25% of the Senate.
To wake up to the reality that there is yet to be a female president.
Research shows the happiest group of people are single, childless, older women. If reading this feels unsettling, that’s because it is. If a part of you wants to wave this away, dismiss it, or judge it away (even if you’re a woman!), that is a normal reaction to having been gaslit for years, and a part of you (or all of you) might want to avoid facing the difficult truth – that you are likely underpaid, undervalued, and used (statistically speaking!)
It is statistically likely that you are carrying the physical, psychological, and emotional labor for your entire family, and possibly at work, while receiving less recognition for the work that you do, relative to the men who do the same. It is also likely that you feel guilty for even considering admitting this to yourself, much less those around you because women have also been told to just be grateful and not to complain because some other woman in some other place has it much, much worse!
“I have nothing to complain about!”, we think. “Healthy kids, a good husband, a nice lifestyle!.. I should be grateful, others have it so much worse!..”. Yes, they do. But it doesn’t mean that you should be silent about the unequal pay, unequal support at home, and a general expectation that women should be able to do it all (gracefully and cheerfully, of course).
Just because someone’s house might be on fire doesn’t mean that you should silently tolerate regular second-degree burns from your broken stove. Yes, hopefully, your boss isn’t slapping you on the butt and telling you to smile more, but it doesn’t mean that you should bend over backward and silently acquiesce while accepting lower pay. Just because your husband helps you more than his father helped his mother, it doesn’t mean that you should be silent about the remaining gap between yours and his contributions.
Dear Men,
If you’re reading this article, thank you for getting this far! Please know that nobody is blaming you. Yes, I know, it might seem this way, but it isn’t so. Growing up in very different times, to mothers and fathers born in the 30s, 40s, and 50s, when survival was key, masculinity needed to be tough, vulnerability was absent, and the only goal was to keep the family afloat financially – the requirements were different for our men and women of those times.
The needs were different, and the fears and hopes were different. Many of you did not receive a balanced example of a father and the marriage you had witnessed between your parents belongs to the past. Many of you are attempting to parent and husband without a blueprint, guided only by a desire to be a good man, but having only a faint blueprint of what that means and how to apply this to the current times.
But don’t despair.
You won’t have all the answers and neither should you. But what I’d like to encourage here is an honest conversation. A conversation that isn’t rooted in shame or blame, but rather a frank admission that you simply didn’t do better because you didn’t know better. And that you’re ready to learn, and you’re ready to listen.
The women in your life will tell you. They will tell you what they need (women, please do!) And, for god’s sake, please listen! Please do not dismiss us, judge us, or shift blame. When we complain, it means we have held it in far too long, tried and pretended to be happy, forced ourselves to “just be grateful”, tried to think positively, and patched up our stress and overwhelm the best way we knew how.
But silence will only widen the gap.
Not just the pay and labor gap, but the love and intimacy gap we are so desperately lacking and craving in our marriages and partnerships. The joy and the happiness gap we are so frantically trying to close by running away from ourselves and each other.
Pause. Turn to each other. Talk and listen. Men! Chances are the women in your life need more help, support, love, and recognition. Chances are they need you to learn to be vulnerable with your feelings and empathic with theirs. Ask them how. Today, on this International Women’s Day, and every day, show her you care. Show her you aren’t done closing the gap and you know there is still a way to go. And let me tell you – a happy, supported, cherished woman can make you oh so happy! Just trust me, and you will see.
Happy Women’s Day, my fellow humans! Genuine honesty—again and again—is the key to creating the balanced relationships our children need to see in families and communities.
Chances are the women in your life need more help, support, love, and recognition. Chances are they need you to learn to be vulnerable with your feelings and empathic with theirs. Ask them how.